Mother's Day

Sometimes in the adoption community, there are numerous camps of thought and feelings.  Many times I have felt like an outsider because my heart didn't feel the same way about an issue that EVERYONE else seemed to be struggling with.  While our 2nd adoption has had its own struggles, I know it has been so much easier to handle because I already have Mason in my arms.  My heart does not ache from anymore because of not having the children I desired so much, because Mason filled that hole when he came into our lives.  Even though my heart is growing daily as I wait for my next children, I have proof of God's promise right in front of my eyes, that is what I hold onto.

So on Mother's Day, I didn't feel like an adoptive mom, I felt like a mom.  Honestly I was completely selfish. I didn't think much on Mason's birth mother.  I am forever grateful for her, but many times get caught up in my own selfishness and how much I love having him.  It probably makes me a bad person I know, but when I look at my boy I get caught up in the gift she gave me and how I will cherish it.

A facebook group I follow, Connect-A-Kid, posted this awesome article to adoptive moms.  It gave a great explanation of the processes that we go through to get our kids.  Adoption is not for the faint of heart.  It is for determined families who will stop at nothing to complete their families and the plan God has for them.

Here is the article: dear-mom-of-an-adopted-child

Spoke to my heart, and if you are thinking about joining me on this journey then it lays a lot of what your journey will look like in front of you.

Kali Ma...Kali Ma...Kali Ma!

Some of you guys all think I have officially lost it and have now started speaking in tongues.  Some of you know I lost "it" a long time ago, and never bother to go looking for "it".  Some of you are awesome nerds and know exactly what the title means.  For every one else, you must do a little reading before I welcome you into the nerdy folds.

So tonight I watched a movie.  Since we are Netflix and Hulu people I don't always know the latest and greatest movies that are coming out.  I also think that this movie's greatness was not hyped up nearly enough.  However, through the luck of watching "A Dolphin's Tail 2" with my son one night, I saw a commercial for a movie called "The Good Lie".  I was like oh cool...Reese Witherspoon and a great story about refugees coming to America.  Sure, let's watch it.  Sounds like a great feel good movie...right?

I figured out that this was a true story about Sudanese refugees, coming to America, but something goes wrong.  What I didn't realize was that I would cry like a baby throughout it.  So very glad that I did not see this in theaters because I not only cried...I cried UGLY!

So, while the movie was absolutely great...the script and story was not what got me.  What got me was imagining my son.  I watched these kids in this movie face horrible situations, and thought about what would my son's life be like if we hadn't brought him home.

When we met Mason in Russia we were told that he was considered special needs.  Now if you have met my son that would warrant a spit take because he is one of the most intelligent 4 year olds I have ever met.  However, he wasn't considered special needs because of any disability but because of his nationality.  He was an Asian child in a white society.  We were told that if he were not adopted out of Russia that he would always be treated as second class citizen.  That when he turned 3 if still in country he would be moved to another orphanage and would be bullied and mistreated for being different.

What?  Are you kidding me?  They would somehow not be able to see his greatness?  To see how special he is?  I totally get what our driver told us now and see it transforming before our eyes daily.  He told us that "Russian Thorns Become American Roses"!  Yeah...that would be a fair completely biased opinion of Mason.

Ok...back to the movie and ugly cries.  What broke my heart was thinking about how many children had the potential to be something, to do amazing world changing things, to change the world for the better, but because of their life circumstances they got lost.  Life forced something else upon them.

So...you ready to be welcomed into the nerdy folds?  Oh well, too bad...here is a visitor's pass.  Kali Ma is what the crazy witch doctor chanted as he ripped out the heart of the sacrifice in Indiana Jones...that is what happened to me.

What?  Your family doesn't chase each other around chanting "KALI MA" at each other?  Weird...Reid told me it was normal.  Moving on...

I was constantly reminded of my son and the life that he will have because he left the orphanage.  Simply because his life circumstances changed he can now follow his dreams.  Ever since Mason was 2 he told me he is going to be a doctor.  I have no idea what he would have become had he grown up in Russia, but here he has the chance to follow whatever dream he wants.  I see his love and care that he has for people and wonder if he would have such love for people had he been left in that orphanage, had he been harassed for being different.

I already get scared when I look into Mason's eyes because I know God has such a mighty plan for his life.  He is my Samuel and God is going to ask me to give him back to Him one day.  It breaks my heart to think that I could have ignored God's calling for our family and missed out on this amazing child.  I could have missed out on getting to constantly have my heart ripped out as I watch him do amazing things in life.  I could have missed having my heart ripped out as he retells the Bible to me in perfect retelling and acceptance.  I could have missed out on constantly having my heart ripped out as I watch Mason do mighty things with God's help.

I don't want to miss what God has called us to do.  I don't want to miss out on watching His beautiful plan unfold through all of my children that we adopt.  I don't want to miss this...